My big, fat, gay tea leaf reading about your clothes!
Telling everyone you're cool 101... I guess?
Hey wicked pisser,
So I’m about to do something so fun and unique that’s never been done before, like ever. I am moving to Brooklyn! LOL. Yes, I have officially decamped from the big smoke and will be one of the many 23 year old grifters residing in proximity to Singer’s and the other messy homosexuals which litter Bed Stuy in this day and age. What I’ve realized through friends, digital stalking and sniffing out the vibes like a prissy greyhound is that there are several gravitational black holes that people seem to fall into when it comes to personality realignment upon beginning their sublets from Red Hook to Ridgewood…
I’ve decided to unqualifiedly outfit them in my imagination for my own personal amusement and yours! I guess this is my attempt to be the Dr. Spock of style.
Bushwick DJ, dare-to-be-different, Ella Emhoff-disciple fags who really hate that some of the people they know have EBT:
Harris-Walz jock stolen from Twitter user @drunkgrindr. It represents the sort of egalitarian all acess to welfare that we should all have in this world with a sense of gay superiourity and entitlement to be seen. The banana boots (size 9) were made by Edmund Smith in Scotland for pop artist Billy Connolly in 1975 and became a trademark for the comedian, inspiring the title of a biographical film, Big Banana Feet (1977). They were ripped off by Charles Jeffrey Loverboy last year to the tune of $2,190!
Greenpoint/Domino Williamsburg “communist” that lives in a nice loft and went to art school with no debt. Now volunteers (yay!) but wears a smug lack of availability proudly while telling you about the calls they had to answer while at their older boyfriend’s cottage in the Pines. They met at Clandestino when one heard the other speaking about Red Scare Pod with a friend and the older realized they can confess writing-in Carly Fiorina in the 2016 election and the younger that they aren’t registered to vote.
They may believe in life after love, but not in paying taxes—cause shouldn’t we be sharing everything anyway? (Open relationship). Shoutout to Jeb Bush, the worst campaigner other than Colin Allred (D-TX) who is polling 2% behind evil god-slop Ted Cruz (R-TX) in their Senate race. Cher Guevara, they love you almost as much as being 28.
Covering a swath of Downtown as well as young hotties in Bed Stuy, we have here a contrarian who really just thinks life is funny and isn’t going to be told that their politics and having a good time are incompatible. They work a few gigs, make rent, and go out.
Unlike the two previous, this one has real sex appeal and a sense of not caring. See Macy Rodman’s (She’s so hot!) “Rock and Roll Gay Guy,” which is an anthem about the perfect husband. They know what they want and get its, and that’s how to get on with life. No shame! Midwest princess hat via Chappel Roan, who all the girls love, with matching garlic bread flavored condom which is really more of an accessory at this point. Reddit seems to think that PSYCHWARD did them, BUT they were actually made by Enchanted Armor in 2020, and were never sold. People are actively begging for them to be sold as of me typing this. There are 603 comments. They must’ve gotten back onto Twitter. Shirt I stole off Instagram from someone, so make your own!
Those from Los Angeles who really want us to like them. Offensive.
No further comment.
See you soon!
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